I had an argument with one patient who insisted that there were great healing benefits to using urine eye drops. When asked about how she got these urine eye drops, she admitted to taking them directly from the toilet and putting them straight into her eyes. My pleas for her to consider the risk of developing bacterial keratitis fell on deaf ears. Still dreading the day that one returns to clinic with an infection.

My mother tried treating a diabetic who was convinced she was allergic to water, so she’d only drink coca cola. I’ll never forget that one….

Me, a dentist, to my patient: “Please, do not superglue your tooth back in your mouth again.”

Had a patient with recurrent infected leg ulcers. Reason: rather than clean and dress them as instructed, she was letting her dog "lick them clean".

My paramedic gf at the time told me of a person who would call out the ambulance frequently. She was a germaphobe and would swallow razor-blades frozen into icecubes to somehow destroy the germs inside her. Thankfully the stomach acid often blunted the blades, but still….

I’m friends with a nutritionist at a hospital. One of the stories that stuck with me was a mid 30s construction worker just collapsed one day. His coworkers called an ambulance and he rushed to the hospital right? Well they discover he’s nutrient deficient like in everything. So my friend is called in and she’s asking him about his diet…” well I don’t like eating breakfast, and I don’t like eating then going back to work so I don’t eat lunch and then I get home and the wife has to make dinner so I start drinking beer and by the time dinner is ready I don’t wanna eat. Just have some more beer and go to bed.” The dude was living off of nothing but beer. He couldn’t remember the last time he actually ate something.

My patient who crawled under his truck and “leg pressed” his engine back into place two weeks after his total hip arthroplasty. Came into clinic complaining of pain….

I used to be a medical scribe in a pediatric office. A mom came in complaining that her daughter was turning black, obviously we were concerned what kind of infection or abuse was this child experiencing? The kid was tanning, she was running around and playing in the sun and was tanning.

My mom once had a patient who was an old lady who was rushed to the E.R. after ingesting bug spray. After they managed to get her to a stable condition and had her admitted to a ward a few days later Mom asked her why she did that. Her response? "I accidentally swallowed a cockroach so I swallowed the bug spray to kill the cockroach.".

I had a lady with heart failure who was in the hospital almost monthly with heart failure exacerbations. We told her time and again to limit salt and water intake. And she’d go home and drink pickle juice.

My best friend is in his residency right now and he had a patient that had a wound in his face that was festering so bad there were maggots living in it. He didn’t think it was important enough to be seen until they started falling into his cereal.

I once had a 50-something lady in the ER complaining of difficulty using her left hand. Turned out that it wasn’t new, rather something that had been an issue all her life. She was right handed.

One of my favorite stories from my brother who works as security for a hospital..a woman arrived with her “emotional support” mini horse to visit a family member. She didn’t understand why they wouldn’t allow her and the horse up to the room and my brother was called to escort her out. While technically not a patient the lack of common sense is hilariously baffling.

Not a doctor but former army medic. We were doing a month long training mission in a desert, I forget which one, and I had a soldier come to me complaining of eye pain. He had left his one a day contacts in for about 3 weeks.

A guy came in with a badly inflamed wound (was initially a small scratch). Chief complaint was pain. I asked them if they took any pain relievers already, they mentioned they took Ibuprofen and Celecoxib, to no avail. Surprised as to how these had no effect whatsoever, I asked him how often he drank them. Patient: "Drank?" Turns out, he opened the capsules and applied the powder inside directly on the wound.

Maybe not surprised he lived that long, but definitely lacking in common sense. I was seeing a ~40-50 year old patient in a Pain Clinic I was working in at the time. I did a full review of systems, and he ends up saying that outside of pain, his main complaint was that he can’t sleep … because he pees over 20 times a day, at least 10 of which are overnight. Alarm bells go off. I’m immediately wondering about things like undiagnosed diabetes, but I had checked his recent labs and they were all fine, no other symptoms, etc. While I’m wondering wtf is going on, I ask about his caffeine intake and he says he’s drinking maybe 30-35 cups of tea per day. Mystery solved! The worst thing was he had started doing it not because he was thirsty, but because he kept hearing people saying that being hydrated is important.

Not a doctor, but A classmate of mine at uni for engineering gave himself scurvy by only eating chicken tenders daily.

Got called out for a “hand laceration with severe bleeding” so naturally we urgently drive to the callers house. We arrive to find this young, around 18yr old female holding her hand and wincing in pain. Confused at the lack of blood I ask her to point to her wound & she points to a cut no bigger than 1cm. She states that her family doesn’t own bandages & she didn’t want to get an infection by going to the pharmacy to buy them.

I have so many stories as a semi-doctor (dentist), but a striking case just a few weeks ago was a 40-something fellow who wondered why all of his teeth suddenly started to hurt all of the time. We talk a bit. Coincidentally, he mentions, his acid reflux has been acting up a little but, meh, that wasn't a big concern for him. (PS: "a little bit" to him meant walking around for hours at night to settle his stomach if he ate dinner too late.) Turns out this dude had started drinking 6 liters of seltzer water a day to try and lose weight. SIX LITERS. EVERY DAY. Um, yeah buddy, your GI tract is basically acid bubbles at this point! Your teeth are melting and your stomach is frothing over! Give your body a break and have some regular water from time to time! .

This was back when I was a med student but I had a man come to the ED for acute abdominal pain of unknown etiology. It came on very suddenly only a few hours ago. No new meds, no significant pmh. While reviewing general history I asked about diet. He said he’s had good appetite lately and that earlier in the day he caught and ate a squirrel. Mystery solved.